Episode 19
The sheer terror of a wide open day
This week there’s no listener question, just a moment, between you and me, to unpack the unexpected panic that can set in when you're a solo parent with zero plans.
I've never been one for the Sunday Scaries but what I have experienced is the Real Life Scaries that can often happen when you've returned from a holiday with parent friends and you realise "Holy crap. I've got to do this on my own?"
It's almost easier to do it when you don't get a sneak peek into how much easier it is to pass the time with another person there.
Coz when you step back into real life after that, those wide open hours can feel even longer than they do already.
This podcast was recorded on the lands of the Wangal people, of the Eora Nation.
I pay my respects to Elders past and present.
EPISODE CREDITS:
Host: Rachel Corbett
Editing Assistance: Josh Newth
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Transcript
Hello, welcome to the show.
Speaker A:No question.
Speaker A:This week, just another one of those I need somebody to talk to this about moments.
Speaker A:Here you are, sit down on the couch with me and dissect this day over a glass of wine.
Speaker A:Just you and me doing this together.
Speaker A:I just wanted to talk about the terror of a wide open day.
Speaker A:Something that I realized when I was away with friends over the Christmas period that I kind of don't get much experience with, I guess because you just like living the day to day doing stuff.
Speaker A:I don't have, you know, family around, friends of mine have kids and stuff, so I don't have people coming in and going, hey, let me take the kid for a few hours so you can whiz outside.
Speaker A:You know, it's kind of just me and whoever I pay to get in here to help.
Speaker A:And when I'm getting somebody to help, I'm handing that person over to go to work.
Speaker A:I don't usually get help.
Speaker A:On very rare occasions have I gotten help to go and do something for myself.
Speaker A:I, I'm going to get better at that.
Speaker A: That is something in: Speaker A:But there is something eye opening as a solo mom about when you go and parent with other parents.
Speaker A:And I would say that now at this stage of my life, my favorite place to be is in an environment where I am parenting with other parents.
Speaker A:I love to go away to a house for the weekend or something with families that the parents, because it is just so nice to have a one more than one set of hands, but also some other kids around for your kid to play with, some other parents to kind of go through the motions with and talk to and you know, maybe somebody makes the sandwich instead of you having to make the goddamn sandwich all the time while you go and fill up the milk bottles for everybody or who knows, you know, there's just like a sense of community and camaraderie and I tell you my great dream and Lord, I just want to make it happen.
Speaker A:But right now in the practicalities of life, it doesn't work.
Speaker A:My great dream is to have some kind of compound where me and my best mate and her partner, God bless her, she really just, she really leans into the relationship that my bestie and I have.
Speaker A:And she's very supportive, but I'm sure sometimes she's like, do we need this third wheel in our relationship?
Speaker A:But have Our kids and everybody together.
Speaker A:So we just live around each other.
Speaker A:And now it's not just me trying to get free child care, all that, that would be lovely.
Speaker A:But that just sense of community, which I can understand that you would actually have if you had a partner in some ways, is something that I think is hard to come back from.
Speaker A:So I never get the Sunday scaries, right, never get the Sunday scaries because I'm a who loves to work, love going to work, have always loved going to work, have always loved my jobs, just really enjoy working.
Speaker A:So I like getting up on a Monday morning to go and be useful for the day.
Speaker A:So Sundays just aren't scary for me, really.
Speaker A:But I definitely got the version of the Sunday scaries on the day after I came back from our New Year's trip, because I'd been five days in a house with my best mate, her partner.
Speaker A:Lots of our friends coming and going, lots of different kids, lots of excitement for Olivia to sink her teeth into, lots of stuff to do.
Speaker A:And I was just blown away by how much easier it is to fill a day when you have other people around.
Speaker A:Like, even if you have one other person around and you can just chat through the crap of it, the day moves so much quicker than when you are by yourself.
Speaker A:First day that I got back from the New Year's holiday and everything's real quiet and shut because it's like the beginning of the year and the sense of dread that I had was very Sunday scary.
Speaker A:And just that thought of, like, what am I going to do with this child all day and how am I going to keep her entertained?
Speaker A:Because just to really rub salt into the wound, all the activities that you book in for your kid during the year, none of them come back till the beginning of February.
Speaker A:It's like, excuse me, I know that some people have to deal with seven weeks of school holidays for their child, but I'm not there yet.
Speaker A:So in the years that I don't have to do that yet, could you just give me something to do with her early on?
Speaker A:So, yeah, when I came back, I am literally pulling my hair out, working out, where am I going to take this child?
Speaker A:What am I going to do with her?
Speaker A:How am I going to keep her entertained?
Speaker A:I am mad for an activity on the days that we are together and I'm not working, I have an activity booked for every single day.
Speaker A:Every single day.
Speaker A:The afternoons are easier to get through than the mornings because the afternoons are much shorter than the mornings.
Speaker A:The morning.
Speaker A:Sometimes my kids are for six And a half hours before it's nap time and that's a lot of time to fill.
Speaker A:So you got to do a lot of tap dancing.
Speaker A:We got a couple of meals in there, which blow a good 45 minutes with my delightful eater, which is fantastic.
Speaker A:But outside of that, you know, there's only so many books one person can read.
Speaker A:So I have activities booked in.
Speaker A:But like I said, January, no activities.
Speaker A:So the terror of a wide open day and the feeling that I had just was something that I had to clock and discuss because it's something to be mindful of if you're going to be jumping into this on your own.
Speaker A:And I think that is probably where I recognize the gap with not having a partner is that I can understand how actually when you've got to keep a kid or a couple of kids entertained through the day and there's nothing else to do, it could actually be a really entertaining day because you're all hanging out together and you're still hanging out and spending time with somebody, but you're entertaining a kid or kids at the same time.
Speaker A:But when you are doing it by yourself, you are just into dating the kid.
Speaker A:And can I just say, I follow like 700 mums about town style Instagram accounts for people who are popping up.
Speaker A:Things about what to do with kids in Sydney.
Speaker A:There is not enough stuff to do with a kid under three and there is certainly not enough stuff to do with a kid under two.
Speaker A:You know, there's stuff really early on and then there's stuff.
Speaker A:Everything's like four plus.
Speaker A:I'm searching through the Internet and then I'll find something.
Speaker A:Oh my God, it's a jumping castle.
Speaker A:Oh, this is a jumping castle room somewhere.
Speaker A:Four plus piss off.
Speaker A:Oh my gosh.
Speaker A:There's an art exhibition where you can paint the walls and everything.
Speaker A:Four plus piss off.
Speaker A:Like help a brother out here.
Speaker A:There is a period of time where there is very little that we have to do with our child.
Speaker A:So can we come up with a few more activities?
Speaker A:Anyway, that's just something to be mindful of because really the days are long when you've got nothing to do.
Speaker A:And sometimes as a solo mum, I listen to a lot of my dual parent friends complain.
Speaker A:And there are some times when I think you ain't got much to complain about.
Speaker A:If I'm being brutally honest.
Speaker A:You know, when you just recognize like, if they took a step into your life for like five minutes, they'd be like, I'm never coming back here again.
Speaker A:This stinks.
Speaker A:It does stink.
Speaker A:Sometimes.
Speaker A:Anyway, if you have a question that you would like me to answer on this show, then I would love to do that and just intersperse them in between my random musings about what it feels like to be a parent doing this solo.
Speaker A:If you're enjoying the show, please share it with somebody and I will see you next episode.
