I've never looked worse in my life

Rachel: 00:00:02

Hello, welcome to the show. To start off with, I'm just going to say that this episode is not a cry for help.

So please, I don't want a single email in my inbox saying, you look great. Don't be hard on yourself. I'm not that desperate. This is not about me saying, please validate me and tell me I look good.

This is not what I'm asking for. This is just me talking about the fact that I just did not anticipate how bad I would look 95% of the time in my life when I had a kid.

Now, while I know I am not a hideous looking person, I have just never been one of those people who looks naturally good without some help. And I'm always fascinated by people who are just naturally beautiful in all scenarios.

I'm talking, they come off the treadmill at the gym, they're glistening and they could really go out and eat at a restaurant after they've gotten off. That ain't me. I go beetroot red sweat from every orifice, head to toe.

My hair is wiry and like curly and frizzy and it just has a mind of its own and that goes haywire if I step off a treadmill. I can't really be seen in any kind of public place. That requires you to look decent for probably six to eight hours because the red has to calm down.

That's why I can't go and do a run or do something really physically, you know, strenuous in my lunch break at work because I can't come back to the office until the day is done because I don't look good at all for a long time. Takes me a long time to get that red out of my cheeks. Same with people that get out of a pool or the beach and look good.

People who look good at the beach and then can go to a cafe and they just look sun kissed and delightful and their hair's all salty or whatever. How does that happen? How does that happen? Like, I. God, I just do not look. I look like the lady of the lake crawling out.

It was like, ah, where did she come from? You know, all when people wake up, you know when you start dating somebody, that moment when you wake up and they don't love you yet, you know, so.

So you're still in that I've got to convince you mode, but you're aware that your morning hours are not your best and you're like, this is going to count against me if we're not at the I love you stage. Yet, and they're not convinced that they're into me yet, then this is going to make them think about their choices, you know?

But then there are those people that just wake up and they turn over and you're like, how, How. How did that happen? I don't understand. So anyway, if you're one of those people, God bless you. Like, that would be just so much simpler and easier.

But I am not one of those people. However, the problem with that is that I'm not one of those people.

But I'm also not somebody who wants to put any more time than 15 minutes into getting ready. So those two things do not coexist in a great way. If your end goal is to look the best you can.

I can look passable, I can look decent, I can look fine. But if I want to look really nice, that requires a time that I just cannot put into my calendar in a way that feels justifiable.

You know, I do a lot of work on television. When I go on tv, I. I spend an hour and a half to two hours in a hair and makeup chair.

Now, there are some people that would find that a valuable way to spend time. I am not one of those people because it is part of work, and it is a part of the day and the process.

That's what we have to do, and that's what we need to do. And when you've seen me shot on a television camera with no makeup on, you realize that that two hours of work is very, very important. And.

And the work that they do, those wonderful, wonderful hair and makeup ladies, is truly God's work. Because the alternative ain't good. The alternative ain't good.

And even if you turn up to a television studio looking your version of great, it will look real bad on a television camera. There's something about that thing that's just like.

You won't feel bad about yourself, then look down the barrel, sweetheart, and you will see what you really look like. So I understand that that is required, and that is the commitment if you want to look really, really good.

But I just cannot be bothered in bringing that into my life.

Now, in my normal existence, that's kind of fine, because actually, while I talk a lot about not looking good and blah, blah, blah, I really like to blend in with a crowd. That is the spot that I like to be in when living my life. I do not like to walk into a room and for everybody to go, wow.

Not that anybody's ever done that to me. I don't even know what that Feels like.

But, you know, when your friends see you and you've made a bit more effort than you usually would, and you walk into a room and they will call that out, and then everybody's saying, blah, blah, blah. I hate that energy. No, no, no, no, no. Please don't look at me. Please don't look at me.

So I like to just move through life in a completely undetected way.

If anybody spies me in the shopping center or at Kohl's or something, I want, whether I actually have a job or just to think, you know what, she's not anybody worth knowing. Because then it's just like, you just pass on by. You get to do your thing and live your life. I could never be, like Tom Cruise level famous.

I just think that would be the. I couldn't even be, you know, degrade famous.

I just the idea of being recognized at every turn and having to think about how you look and all those kinds. Hate it. I don't want to do that. That's not of interest to me. So I kind of move through my life when I don't have to go out to dinner or go to work.

You know, those things where you're like, okay, well, I'm going to put in some effort here. If I do not need to put in effort, I put in no effort. Absolutely no effort. I wear exercise gear.

I will maybe just kind of brush my hair slightly, but most of the time I just put a hat on it because I can't be bothered. And that's the kind of environment that I like to be in.

So I'm starting from a pretty low bar, you know, and yet, just when we thought it couldn't go any lower. I have been absolutely blown away by how bad you look when you're a parent. A, you got no time. B, you're getting very little sleep.

But the thing that I didn't anticipate was the level of visible injury that I would be carrying around at all times.

There have been multiple days in the couple of years of my daughter's existence where I have gone to work or out into everyday life or even I might have gone to dinner with a giant scratch right across my face, like a tiger has ripped me to shreds. Those talons, the little fingers are tiny, but those talons are real sharp. I've been scratched across my face, scratched across my chest.

I spend most of my days crawling around the floor, getting books out of the shelves, you know, looking for things on the floor.

And the other day I noticed that that Crawling around the floor has left me with a permanent like discoloration of my knees that I'm like, is this ever going to go away? Is this what my knees look like now? They're not just bruised, they're not bruised in a way that will heal.

They are permanently scarred because I've been crawling around on the floor. My hair also has never been this bad. Now I was born with bad hair. I've got good skin. Thank goodness.

My mother and my grandmother and all of the women in my family have always had good skin. My hair, I don't know where it came from, but I want to chuck it in the bin. It's an absolute disaster. It's a frizzy, humidity attracting mess.

And I have, you know, really tried everything over the years and nothing really works. But then I, it started to look so bad that I was like, I've got to do something about this.

It got to the point where I asked Chatgpt for a hair routine and I did that twice. And I went and bought the hair things that they recommended. They like, it's a person. Please, what's wrong with me? Have I lost my mind?

I bought the products that it recommended twice and both times it didn't really work. I've spent all this money on crap that I don't need anymore and I'm just like, how can I look this bad and what can I do to fix it?

But the problem is, am I going to put an hour aside in my day to dedicate to looking better? No, I'm not, because I don't value that.

So I'm in this real pickle where I, I have gotten to a point where I'm even lower than the bar that I enjoy to set for myself. So even I'm starting to recognize, okay, this is probably below where I should be at this point in my life. I'm a capable, competent person.

I have, you know, a decent career. I've established myself. I do not need to walk around looking like this at all times. I actually can put some effort into this.

But then when I sit down to actually put the effort in, I'm like, I'd rather read a book. I don't know why I'm telling you. I don't even know what I expect you to do with this information.

I don't even know what I'm going to do with this information. I don't know how to fix it.

I just need to say it out loud because I'm conscious of the fact that I need help and, and apparently ChatGPT is not the place to get it. Anyway, the weird things that you just don't expect to be feeling when you get to this point. I wish actually that I could find value in that time.

Like I find value in my space looking good because that my space and like having clutter and stuff, I hate it. It gets in my mind, I can't concentrate. So my house does not the house of a toddler. It is clean. And I've maintained that.

And friends of mine have been like, good luck. But the friends of mine that do not maintain that were messy before the kids came along, you know.

But the friends of mine that I know who have always loved to just have a clean home. Yes, you've got toys around and stuff, but it's not an absolute disaster because that is something that I value.

So will I put an hour aside if I ever had an hour to clean? My God. But if I had an hour to clean, would I put that time aside and clean and feel that was a good use of my time? Yes.

But would I ever sit down and spend an hour curling my hair? No. No way. Like, anyways, I guess the upshot of that is just I'm gonna look shit for the rest of my life. Good chap. Anyway. Oh God.

Honestly, sometimes truly just what is happening in my life right there. Anyway, just appreciate you listening to that. If you've got a question, please submit it by the. By the link in my description of the episode.

Naturally this wasn't a question. You're still going to have to put up with some episodes where it wasn't a question. And I'm just talking at you about things that are concerning.

But hopefully if this is a life that you are hoping to one day leave, you will then in the back of your mind go, you know what, maybe I will carve out an hour of my week to go and get a blow dry or something, you know, or like, something like that. I don't know. Just be good to yourself. Not like me who goes and buys a whole bunch of junk that chat GBT told her to buy.

Anyway, I'll see you next week.