Helpful solo mum traits

Speaker A: 00:00:02

Hello, welcome to Me And My Tiny Human. I am Rachel Corbett and today I've got a question. Love it when people submit questions. I have a little link in the description of the episode.

You can submit a question, ask anything that you like.

I get this is quite an interesting topic for some people, and they're like, there's a lot of things that you can't quite work out before you do it, or if you're thinking about doing it. Or alternatively, if you're in a relationship with kids and you're just like, what the hell, what the hell.

I get a lot of that, which I get, because when you've got two pairs of hands, I can understand how it would seem impossible with one. I think sometimes just having an extra pair of hands, like, my life would be fundamentally different. Fundamentally different.

Anyway, that's not the path I went down, but Sam has written. Do you think there are any qualities that you have that have been helpful being a solo mum?

I'm very disorganized and can be kind of lazy at times, and I'm worried those qualities are probably going to suck if I'm thinking about having a baby on my own. Here's what I'd say about that. It's one of the amazing things about humans, women in particular, I think, is that we just get stuff done.

So if you think I can't organize anything, I'm so lazy, I reckon you'll be really surprised at what you're capable of. You're probably lazy because you've got time to be, you know, you can chill out, hang out, watch some Netflix.

You could, you know, defer things that you can deal with later and, like, focus on ordering a pizza and having a bit of a relax because you don't have another person there that requires your assistance at all times. So sometimes I think when you're on your own, like, it's fine, you can.

You can adjust and fix your day however you want, but if you have a little person that you want and you are taking care of, like, you will step up to the plate, you. You will get it done.

So I definitely don't think you should ever think that you're not capable of it, because the things that are important to you and the things that you need to shift into gear for just fundamentally change when you have a kid.

And I have honestly seen some people who are, I mean, could barely get through a day, but they really, like, wheel out the high performance when they have a kid and that kid is fed, happy, changed, barbed, like sleeping, doing great you know, because you have to shift your focus and look after somebody else. And I do think that brings another level of something to who we are.

So, yeah, I definitely don't think you should think that you don't have the qualities to have a kid, because that will all change when that person comes along. But I definitely have felt like there are certain things that have been really helpful for me. I would say I am excellent in a crisis.

If we got kidnapped, like, I'm not somebody who will jump in a pit of, like, why me? Why has this happened to me? This is. No, no, no. We're like, where are the exits? Where are the exits?

So I definitely have had a lot of experience with situations where, you know, things have kind of been quite tough, and I am very good at pushing through that. I'm less good when the things that are tough are, like, emotionally tough in the sense that if someone's being a really horrible asshole to me, like.

Like, I can really push through, but that really does stuff me up mentally. I've had some experience with that. Anyway, not the place to discuss that.

Mostly because the mixture of, like, trying to get on with my day is mixed up in this confusion about humanity and how. I can't understand that, how once. How someone would operate like this and operate with other humans like this, you know?

So then you're kind of, like, having this existential crisis, trying to work out the inner workings of somebody who's just fundamentally clearly broken and doesn't care how they impact other people. But then you're also trying to get everything done at the same time. So those kind of situations I find slightly difficult.

But in terms of, you know, a child having a stage five meltdown in the middle of a shopping center, will I love it? Of course I won't. Will I feel absolutely exhausted and, like, this is the worst use of my time? Yes, I will.

But will I deal with what's in front of me and get us back on track and just get the thing done and get the kid in the car and get us home and. Yes, yes, yes, I will. So in those situations, I'm quite good at. This sucks. This is hell. But, like, here are the exits. Where are the exits?

So I would say that is helpful. What I have realized that I'm really good at is shifting a mood.

I have never pulled out more out of context high kicks in my entire life than when I had a child. Nothing. Circuit breaks, a tantrum.

At least with my child, like, doing something that makes her look at you and go, are you all right, so we'll high kick. I will break out into song. I will rap for no reason. I will scream from the top of my lungs. You name it, I will do whatever it takes.

I will spin like a top. I will do jumping jacks out of nowhere. You name it. If it stops you crying, I'll do it.

And I have been amazed at some of the stuff that I have done when she's had a meltdown and she just either immediately starts laughing or she stops. Sometimes it doesn't work, you know, and then you just high kicking like a moron at home. But who can see you? Nobody. It's just you. And that's.

That's all that needs to know that this is happening until you talk about it on a podcast and tell everybody else. And I am quite amazed at when she has a cry that my instinct is to do that.

I mean, I'm really glad it's to do that and not get angry, but I guess you don't know until you have a child in front of you. My immediate reaction is jazz hands or whatever it is, and I found that that is very helpful.

I also think if you have done any work in anything that involves any strategic planning, especially if you're really good at forward planning and preventing a crisis.

Most of my work, I feel, is, you know, when I have been leading teams and leading creative teams and, you know, working with a bunch of shows and you've got a bunch of requirements that, like a lot of what you do is making sure that you are thinking now about what might happen in the future to prevent any issues from happening. So that is a huge part of my job. I was also like a producer for a lot of years.

So, you know, producers, they are doing God's work, like the work that goes on behind the scenes of like a TV show, a radio show, podcast, whatever, you know, you're logistically putting things together, you're thinking about things you're dealing with, you know, all of those kind of things.

I remember the lovely Jan Fran said to me once, if it really is just like producing a human, you know, like, you just have to kind of, you know, you just got to make sure if you're going to go out for the day, you're strategically thinking about, okay, what am I going to need on this shoot? What am I going to need? Am I going to need biscuits? How many nappies am I going to need? Oh, I might go that cafe. And then I know that she.

We use a lot of wet wipes, so I'll take a plastic bag, so I've got a bin to use. I. She drops food all over herself, so I'll bring a bib with me. So.

So I think that any kind of that thinking, if you're really good at that, I, yeah, I really found that helpful.

I also think if you love routine, you know, again I mentioned in the sleep episode last week that routine is a massive thing for me and I'm obsessed with like routine and making sure that those structures are in place. And that's been really helpful for me. So I think that that's been. I think that's been great. I am not a mad fan of idle time.

Uh, I'm not very good at doing nothing. I don't think I've been bored since I was about 14 years of age. I will always feel all time available.

I am someone who thinks that a long lunch on a Sunday is an absolute waste of time. Let's meet at five, let's have drinks and let's go through till 11 o'clock. Fantastic.

But there are better things that I could be doing with my daylight hours than sitting at a table for five hours, getting drunk and then coming home and having a hangover when I'm still awake at 8:00pm uh, not the best use to my day. Let's shift that later.

Let me get some things done during the day and then we can catch up and we can have great cocktails in the nighttime hours when. What are you doing any anyway, but watching telly. So when I am somebody who's like, I like to feel every hour like that is basically what you do.

You just feel every hour. Like every hour is taken up.

And that does, I mean, work to my detriment now because I still want to add things to my plate, but I only have like an hour and a half when my child is asleep to do those things. I would say that that's come in really handy. And I reckon that those are probably the main traits that I think I have found exceptionally useful.

I think a lot of that you can't really realize until you get into things and then, you know, you're sitting at a cafe with a plastic bag that you can put your wipes in and you're like, oh, past me's done a really good job of like giving future me an easier run here.

So those kind of things can really just help you logistically because the last thing you want to do is end up, you know, in a shopping center with a poo explosion, with no additional nappies and even the Best of us will end up in those situations. You know, you'll. You'll forget something, you'll leave something at home, whatever.

But I think that quality in particular has really helped me out of a bind more than a few times. And there is also nothing better. When you see another mom, like, I saw a mum.

Oh, that's right, a mum had had a poo explosion and, like, stuff was everywhere.

And when you can, like, pull a nappy bag, like a bean bag out of your thing so that they can throw their tights away, you know, and give them, like, it just is a really good thing. When you see another mom in trouble and you're like, let's just go to the joint pack of help here and can I assist you?

Because there is nothing worse than being in a situation where you are unprepared. So those are the things that I think I found really useful. But I would say if you listen to that and you're like, none of that resonates with me.

I don't feel like those are any of my qualities. Don't worry. The only quality you need is that you can love someone. That's it. And look after them. And you will nail it. You'll absolutely nail it.

You know, if.

If that's what you're working with and that's all you're working with, the rest you will work out and you will be really amazed at what you can accomplish, even if you don't feel like you have the ability to do it.

I think every day, you know, I sort of surprise myself in certain ways about, oh, geez, I handled that, you know, because you just don't know what's coming at you. So, yeah, don't let that at all scare you or worry you. So, Sam, if you think that you're not capable of this, shush your little mouth.

Shushity, shush. You'll be absolutely fine, I assure you. And if you would like to submit a question like Sam did, please head to the description of the episode.

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You know, I get a sense that you're really, oh, I just knocked the microphone. I get a sense that you're really smart. I do. I can feel that all the way from over here. Anyway, see you next week.