Why are people so judgey about breastfeeding?

Speaker A: 00:00:01

Hello, welcome to Me And My Tiny Human. I am Rachel Corbett.

I think this is going to be a bit of a short episode because it's really just one thought, mostly about breastfeeding and people's judgment of it. I am absolutely blown away by how much judgment rolls around in the parenting space. I wasn't aware of it before I stepped into it.

I really couldn't fathom the idea that you could look at another parent. I mean, I get having an opinion. I totally get that. And I have seen.

I mean, I saw the other day running through the city, a couple having an absolutely next level fight and their two children were there stuck in the middle of it and they were trying to get the attention of the mum. The mum is screaming at the guy and walking away and leaving these two kids in the middle of the street. Just.

And I was just like, I don't have a good opinion about this. I don't have a good opinion of this at all.

And I can't do anything about it because these are not my children and they are your children and you are parenting them the best you can. But this ain't the best parenting I've seen.

And these poor little things that were just stuck in the middle of this situation and part of me was like, do I say something to this woman? I'm like, I don't know your circumstance, I don't know your situation. What business is it of mine?

Obviously, if something really, you know, if it was like physical, I would have stepped in, but, you know, yeah, those kind of things. There are a lot of things that are really hard to see.

And when you have your own kid, like, all you can think about is that kid in that situation and it really just kills you. But the level of judgment about stuff that is not dangerous or really problematic for a child really blows my mind.

And breastfeeding would be one of those things. So breastfeeding is sure one of nature's great blessings. I can get it. Oh, it's lovely. The connection between mother and child.

You know, all that stuff, the nutrients. Oh, it's the best thing for them. Fantastic. Get all of that. But it, it ain't easy. It ain't easy. And for some people it is almost impossible.

And I have a friend of mine who, you know, made no milk and her kid was not getting any bigger and she could not work out what the heck was going on and was tearing her air out and felt absolutely terrible like it was her fault. And also, your boobs are not a Pyrex cup. They don't have a measurement on them.

So when your kid's on there and they're sucking away in your mind, you're like, good, good feed, good feed. Air might be coming out.

You've got absolutely no idea until you go to the doctor in two weeks time and they've lost weight and then you're like, oh my gosh, my child's been hungry for the last two weeks. And that's why, like this stuff really plays with your mind.

Now if, if that is, you get that kid some formula, like no judgment, but the judgment that people have, like the formula is not pond water. You know, we live in a society where science is really great. This is not dirt that you are feeding your child.

So if somebody is bottle feeding their child, why do people care so much? I just, it just blows my mind.

I don't think I have ever before or after having a child looked at another mother who was feeding her kid formula from a bottle and thought anything at all.

But I had a friend of mine who was doing that at a cafe and her experience was that she had tried to breastfeed and it felt like glass was coming out of her nipples. Now I'm sorry, but if you can't push through the feeling of glass coming out of your nipples, you're just human.

That is a totally reasonable reason to not press on. And a woman came up to her apropos of nothing and said, is that a lifestyle choice? Is that a lifestyle choice?

I'll tell you what's a lifestyle choice. Your effing question. That's a lifestyle choice.

This was a necessity so that I could be a decent mum and not feel like my body boobs were bleeding every day. You really made a decision to come up here and ask me that question.

Like, I know which of the two of us looks worse in this situation, but I, I really, I, I, I cannot get my head around this kind of thing.

It is something that, you know, I've heard spoken about on the periphery with friends of mine because obviously, you know, they, everybody has their own experience and then I've seen a bit of it since I've had a kid and I just don't, I don't know why you would care, I don't know why you would care. Like if that kid is getting fed, like if they can eat a cheese sandwich, give them a cheese sandwich.

Like, who cares if the nutrients, you know, are best from the boob? And you can do that, fantastic.

But if you can't, like, it's not like a kid has no Hope if they've been bottle fed, like, I would love to know the stats on, like, people who've gone on to be. I'm pretty sure there are presidents and CEOs and, like, amazingly talented, incredible people who got fed formula.

You know, I just don't understand people's obsession. And having gone through it, like, I really, you know, wanted to try. I found it incredibly difficult at the beginning.

I got absolutely zero help in hospital.

And then when I turned up to the lactation class, the first thing the lady said, and I'd had, like, I turned up after the night to cluster feed thing where she was basically up all night. I nearly dropped her a couple of times. I was so exhausted because I was making nothing. So she's not getting any food, so she's not going to sleep.

So then I was like, I gotta make this lactation class. I have to be there. And I turned up there and I had absolutely no sleep.

And everybody's there in, like, pairs, you know, with somebody supporting them. And she walked up to me and said, where's your partner?

And I was like, usually in a normal situation, I'd go back and say, I'm lucky enough not to have one, but I am so broken right now that I just am going to nod, which doesn't even make sense. But I really found it tough in the beginning and I pushed through. Once I got a bit of help, things kind of started moving.

But, you know, I didn't pump very much. Like, the pumping killed me. By the time I finished, I was so ready and done, like, you know, and I got through and I.

I didn't like the time that I'd wanted to do it and I. And I did my absolute best, but it really felt like I was working hard to make sure I could do that for my daughter.

And I was lucky enough that I didn't have pain, I didn't have mastitis, I didn't have any of those kind of issues.

I had like a very basic milk supply, but I didn't have too little, you know, I had none of the things that I would absolutely have dropped everything and forgotten about the breastfeeding if I had had any of those things. I just didn't like. I like the process. You know, being close to her was nice, but it also is really hard. It's. It's not an easy thing to do. So I just.

I have total understanding for why, if. If it was difficult or it's just something you don't want to do. Like, we have good formula in Australia.

You know, and if you're loving that kid and they're fed and they're sleeping good and whatever, like, that's all you want at that point. Like, all you want is a happy, fed baby.

And if anybody comes up to you and says anything about how you're going about that, like, if you're shoving a cigarette in her mouth, I get it. Like, go up and have your two cents about that. But if you're shoving a bit of bloody abdominal. Shut up. Shut up.

Truly, if you go up to people for no reason and judge them about the fact that they're not breastfeeding their child, like, take a long, hard look at yourself and just give it a moment. Take a breath, write it on the notes of your phone. If you want to.

You're welcome to have that opinion, but the person that doesn't need to hear that opinion is the person that's doing their very best. And that is my two cents. Truly, let's give each other a break. Like, we're all just having a crack here and it's tough going.

So if we got a happy, healthy baby, what more do you want from us, you know? Anyway, rant over. That felt. Oh, that felt quite cathartic. Actually feel quite good after that. Anyway, share your thoughts, by all means.

Love to hear from you. Love your questions. By all means, leave a review if you've had any of these kind of situations happen to you. Love to hear it.

Always love to hear the worst of humanity. So we can share it and just judge it collectively. But yeah, just honestly, some of the stuff, you know, people are just miserable.

I think some people just a bit sad and it's like, go to therapy. It really helps. It does really help. You know, you won't take nearly as much of your own stuff out of. Out on other people.

And that is very helpful in your relationships. You'll find you get a lot out of that. Anyway, this is. This is turned into a life advice podcast, which is not supposed to be.

Please share it with your friends. If you're enjoying the show. Love to have new people on board.

Thank you so much for joining me all the way to the end, you little legend, and I'll see you next time.