The hospital stay and why it SUCKED

Rachel: 00:02

Hello, welcome to Me And My Tiny Human, I am Rachel Corbett. And in this episode, I just thought I'd really sink my teeth into the hospital experience. Just give you the real rundown. Cause I think actually, if you're doing this on your own, the hospital is probably where you need to really have support. And I don't think I really anticipated that, nor did I plan well enough for that.

So I ended up going private and honestly, I don't know that I'd do that again. And friends of mine who've done the baby thing more than once have interestingly often gone private once and then public the next time. I just sort of wanted the same obstetrician. So that was my only thing. I just thought to myself, I would be a bit weirded out if I turned up to have a baby and I met somebody who was going to have that baby and I'd never seen them before. But there are programs in public holiday, hospital public holidays.

It's like, birth is not like a public holiday, I can tell you that much. In public hospitals where you can work with the same midwife, even if you don't have the same obstetrician. So, but I just knew nothing. I mean, I still know nothing. I've done it and I still know nothing. You know, I still couldn't tell you how exactly the system works. I just know what my experience was and that's all I know. But I went to a private hospital because I thought, well, I can stay for five days afterwards if I have a C-section. And since I am going to go home on my own I want all the information. I want all the teaching. I want all the knowledge. I want to know everything. And I want it all wrapped up in a neat little bow for me. And my goodness, was that the exact opposite of the experience that I had. I don't know whether it was just because when I was in hospital, they were in overflow. So there were more people there than they had beds for. And so it just wasn't a great experience for me, but I really found it hard.

I think in the lead up I had a wonderful experience because my best mate came, she stayed with me. And the night before I had tried to sort of wait until the water breaks moment, but it didn't happen. I was 41 weeks and she was not coming. So I ended up getting induced. And that was actually at that point in the pregnancy because I was interested in experiencing what it meant for you to go into labor but then once I got to 41 weeks and I was like, Oh my goodness. Yeah. I think I'd just rather go to the hospital and then I know I'm in a safe place rather than like wetting the floor in aisle three of Coles. The uncertainty of it all became a little bit scary for me because I didn't kind of know what to expect or what that was like. So when I went in, we had a lovely day. I sort of gritted through a few hours of the contractions once they kind of put whatever drug into you that makes you have contractions.

But my God, after three hours of it or two hours of it, the nurse came up to me and said, Oh, you know, are you going to get an epidural? And I was like, well, yes, if I feel like I need it. And she's like, how are you feeling right now? And I was like, absolute shit. And she's like, well, do you want to keep pushing through or do you want to have it now? And I was like, what's the point in pushing through? Like, let's just get that in. And then once that went in, I had a whale of a time. Me and my best mate watched MAFS, we got some food in, we just hung out. It was lovely. I was so glad that I was calm the whole way through because then my baby was really calm the whole way through. Like she was just having a great old time. She didn't even come any further down the birth canal. She was like, I'm just happy to hang here. So we ended up having to have a C-section at about nine o'clock at night, which was totally fine. And out she popped that way. But then because I had had the C-section and my blood pressure was really low, I couldn't actually, they wouldn't let me out of bed for like 24 hours.

So I had to ring the bell every time I needed to pick her up. I mean, a crying baby, she cries quite a bit. So you're ringing the bell, they're coming in, bringing you to her. And I had a couple of friends around, but they have lives. They can't be in there 24/7. And so for the most of the six days I was on my own. And I think that was a massive, massive mistake. I had actually hired a doula for when I was home, going to be home.

And she had reached out to me and said, I'll come into the hospital. But me in my just moronic manner was like, no, I don't want to trouble you, you know. And she did ask me a number of times because we had a couple of text conversations or voice note conversations and it was clear I was not doing well. And she was definitely saying, I'll come in, but I just felt like I didn't want to burden her, which was just so dumb. And if I had my time again, I would have hired her or somebody to be there more regularly because that period was very, very, very, very dark.

And I thought I would have a lot more support in the hospital. And for whatever reason, and I have had friends that have been to the same hospital, had a very different experience. I did not feel like I had support there. And by the time I left, nobody showed me how to change a nappy, bath the baby. I'd been to one lactation class because my baby had been up all night the night before. I'd nearly dropped her a couple of times.

A midwife walked in at 3:30 in the morning and I'd asked for help and she'd been like, well, this is just what night two is like. And I'm like, well, that is probably the least helpful thing that anybody has ever said to me. So I went to this lactation class the next day. I was like desperate to get there. Cause I was like, need help. Obviously I'm not doing this right. And I walk in the lady, was like, where's your husband?

Usually I'd be like, I'm lucky enough not to have one, but in that moment when you're like broken and really, I just was like trying to hold back the tears. I'm like, this is not, this is not right. This is not me. I'm not, this shouldn't knock me over, but right now it's knocking me over. Just tell me how to make my boobs work, please.

So the whole thing was just a bit of a nightmare. And I think if I can give any advice, if you are somebody who is thinking about doing this, I would just have a support team in place to be in there with you every day. Somebody to at least see you every single day.

Friends have got lives and families and things to do, so you can't necessarily rely on them and that's reasonable. But I think even if one could come one day and then you've got somebody else coming the other day, I think having that assistance is really helpful because you think somebody who does have a partner, they are having that person in there, hopefully if they're a good partner, through the entire process of being in hospital and then when they get home, especially in that overnight period I had nobody to hand my baby off to, and there were a number of times where I was literally about to fall asleep and this kid would not sleep because my milk hadn't come in and I was like literally about to drop this kid. I'd almost sort of micro slept or I had micro slept a couple of times because I didn't have anybody to give that kid over to and having a shower was impossible. If my kid had to sleep for a time, then I'd quickly race in the shower.

But at the end of the week, I had a nurse come in and she said to me, I think actually you might not be doing as well as we thought you were in here. And I was like, well, that is just about the least surprising thing I've ever heard. Cause you would be correct. And then very kindly, she sort of rung the cavalry and in they rode to sort of help me out. But by that time it was just well and truly too late. And I sort of got out, was, they had offered to let me stay an extra night in hospital, but I was like, if I stay here, this is not going to be very good for me. And so I went home and I actually hired a night midwife to come and help me overnight.

And that was honestly one of the best things I'd ever done. I had saved a fair bit of money before I went into this process because I knew I would need support on the other side. And honestly, I, if I could have gotten somebody every single day, I would have done it because I got to the point actually where I could not be alone for more than a day.

And that is not like me at all. And my best mate stepped in and kind of put a bit of a roster together with the doula and a couple of my friends. And they sort of made sure that somebody was checking in on me every day after I went home because the spot that I got to was very unlike me. And I knew that if I did not keep on top of it, it was probably going to be a fairly long journey through postnatal depression for me.

I think back to that time in hospital, I must share a story that truly was just so amusing to me at the time, thank God, and also in reflection. But once the nursing staff had realized that I was not doing well, all of a sudden it was like everybody was having a handover of the person in in 302 is having a bit of a moment, make sure you get in there and check.

And so it was very clear that everybody was aware that I was not handling things terribly well. And when we had gone and got rushed into have a caesarian, my best mate had kind of gathered up all of our stuff because we were like, okay, let's go. And she had taken my shoes with her home and I hadn't really had them because I hadn't needed shoes because I'd been wandering around my room for six days, not going outside. And so one of the nurses said, you know what, you've got to get outside. You have to go and get outside.

You've got to get some fresh air. And honestly, the thing that I, when I knew I was really in trouble, I am not somebody who doesn't like being on my own. I was really proud of myself for having a baby by myself. But the idea, when she said that to me, the idea of going outside on my own with a child and sitting in a cafe, I mean, it almost made me break down in tears. Now I just could not, I was, I don't know if embarrassed is the right word, but if it is, I am ashamed to say that because I don't think it's something that you should be embarrassed about, but that was the way I was feeling. I just felt so broken that I could not believe that I, yeah, I just didn't feel proud of it, I guess. I don't know. I just didn't want to be on my own. And that was really concerning to me at the time because it's just not the way I feel generally.

Yeah, but I was like, I don't want to go outside. I really don't want to go outside. And they were like, no, no, no, I can't finish my shift if you don't go outside. And I was like, okay, bloody hell Janice. I'll go outside, all right? So I went inside and I realised I've got no shoes. So I came out and said, hey guys, it's fine. I haven't got any shoes.

Oh. She doesn't have any shoes. My God. Mary, she doesn't have any shoes. I'm like, no, no, no, I own shoes. I do have shoes. I just don't have any with me because my best mate took them when we got raced out to have a C-section. She was like, Andrea, can you, do you need your shoes? And she's like, Oh, I've to do my rounds. I'm like, of course, of course Andrea needs her bloody shoes. She's at work for Christ's sake. don't make Andrea walk around barefoot. It's bad enough that I have to.

I said, it's fine. I don't need to go outside. You guys need to do your rounds. You need to do your work. It's totally fine. And then Andrea decides, she's like, I know what to do. I'm going to go get you some shoe covers. And I was like, hold on a minute.

I said, Andrea, if you want to see someone on a very fast slide into postnatal depression. You go and get me those hospital shoe covers and you make me go outside to the cafe with my baby and bare feet covered in shoe covers and you will see how quickly things can unravel. In no world am I going outside in shoe covers and bare feet.

But then after that point you could tell I was the person that everybody felt sorry for. My God. It's so funny to think now. And actually at the time it was really, it tickled me entirely because I was like, this is actually ridiculous. But I did not end up going outside and I went home the next day and I did not have to go outside to the cafe in bare feet and shoe covers. Thank God, because truly that would have been the beginning of the end for me. It would have been all over from there.

But I was very disappointed with my hospital experience, I must say. And I know that my gosh, the system is stretched and it had absolutely nothing to do with people not caring. But I would say something to be mindful of if you've never been in hospital before with a baby. I was very surprised because all of the midwives I think come from agencies. I don't think they work for a specific or some of them might work for the specific hospital, but you get a lot of different faces in and out. And I was really surprised that there isn't just a protocol on every hospital that says at this hospital, these are the 10 things that we kind of say, because when you talk to every different midwife that comes into your room as they change their shift, every different midwife has a different bit of advice and a different approach.

And when you say you're doing something because somebody else told you and they're like, that's not the right way to do it. And you are like completely lost and unsure of what you're doing. And all you want is somebody to tell you like, this is how you need to do it. And nobody will tell you that by the way, everyone's like, you got to learn your baby.

Like, you shitting me? I don't know what I'm doing. I haven't got time to learn my baby. What I have time to do is for you to tell me the five things I need to do right now that are going to solve my goddamn problems. And that's what we're focused on, but nobody will tell you that. Everybody's saying you got to learn your baby. I guess because A, it's kind of true, but who wants to hear that when you're like, I don't have time to do this shit. I'm crying in the toilet when she's asleep, like help a brother out over here.

But it's also just so, it's just so frustrating at the time when people are saying these things to you and you just really want help and there is nothing worse than doing something because you think somebody's giving you advice and then somebody else comes and pooh-poos what that person has told you. And it's like, well, go and have a conversation with Jan outside. She's the one that told me to be doing this. I'm not, what do I know? This is the first time I've ever done it. So I actually was not prepared for that because I knew so little about the process and how things work. But that was one of the most difficult things for me. I also got a couple of midwives that to be honest, should quit because clearly the bedside manner was absolutely non-existent and the sense of any kind of empathy for somebody in a situation where they were solo and barely sleeping was non-existent.

So yeah, I really do look back on that time and think, my goodness. Thank goodness I got out the other side. It was not great, but I would just advise if you are thinking about doing this to definitely have as much support as you possibly can in those early days and weeks, whether you can afford to pay for it. If you can't, then just get a roster together of the people in your life. And if they can only come once a week, great, but like get them in there so you can see warm bodies, because that was the hardest thing for me. And it was something I was not prepared for because leading up to that.

You leave me alone for a week and I'm having a great old time, but this was really surprising and I needed a lot of help and just to see another person. So that would be my advice. And that is my story about my great time in hospital and how I narrowly avoided wearing shoe covers at a cafe. If you have any questions, of course, as always just head to the description of the episode and click the link.

And I will see you next week for just some more unpacking of the roller coaster that has been having a baby on my own. A good roller coaster though, I assure you.