The juggle is real: Can you do it all as a solo mum?

Rachel: 00:00:02

Hello, welcome to the show. Today I've got a question from Ava and I tell you, there's something about you guys.

It's like you can really read mammoots, and you tend to submit questions at the same time that certain things are happening in my life. Last week, I was asked about whether I'd been judged for my parenting only a mere few days after being judged quite significantly for my parenting.

And now I get a message from Ava, who has asked, is the juggle doable as a solo mum? And I can't tell you how timely this is.

In fact, this is going to be the last episode just for this particular block of episodes, not ongoing for this exact reason. And it's something that I've been thinking a lot about lately, and.

And it's something I'm really battling to really, I don't know, sort out in my life, because I have always been the type of person who puts more on their plate than they. I feel every minute. I am not very good with doing nothing. I get all of the bloody, oh, you should stop and smell the roses. I don't feel like I don't.

You know, it's not about being restless or unsatisfied. It's just that I really love the feeling of constantly learning, constantly progressing. I get real joy out of that. And in a kind of.

Maybe it's sad, but I've always really gotten a lot of joy out of doing work that has been in the jobs that I've done. But also I have a business. I've got an online podcast, podcasting course. I've got these podcasts.

These kind of things fulfill me in an interesting way because I really get a lot of joy out of being useful now. In my previous version of life when I didn't have a child, that was fine because there was still some space in that week.

Even if I had a lot more on my plate than I probably should, there was still space to have some time to myself, to take a break, to go and do things. And. And I've moved into this phase where I now actually have none of that bandwidth in my life anymore.

And I am trying to not only do what I did before, but actually do more. So I, you know, I'm doing this podcast. I've chucked another podcast for my podcasting course back on my.

In my bucket, because once I started this up again, I was like, oh, I'm really enjoying this and I want to bring that back for my business. And I'm loving the process of doing that.

on when my child goes to bed,: 12:30

So instead of this being something that, you know, if I'm on, if I've got the weekend to myself and I go out on a Friday night for dinner and I'm out on a Saturday night and I'm at the gym a couple of mornings a week.

But then the rest of the time I use, you know, working on my business because I find that interesting and engaging and I like using my brain in that way. Well, it feels like I've had a decent weekend then because it's been a mix of work and it's been.

I've gone and done some leisure things and I've seen people I like to see. But. But now my life is just from work to work to work because even my quality time and my time off with my daughter is work. It is work.

It is so much more exhausting to be with her than it is to be at work. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be a full time stay at home mom. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.

I find it the most unbelievable thing that people can do that because by the end of a full day with my daughter, especially in the toddler phase where we're negotiating like every second of every day, I am absolutely out of juice. And then I'm trying to sit down and go, why don't I do some stuff for my business? Why don't I do some stuff? I could.

Oh God, I've got to record a podcast episode. Oh, I've got, I've got to do this. I've got to schedule the bloody social media.

And I've really had to take stock recently about the fact that I am just not.

My life is not the same and I need to stop treating it like it is the same because I am the type of person that will make sure that the commitments that I have are delivered on. I'm not going to take the piss at work. I'm not going to, you know, if I've committed to something, I'm going to do it.

So the only thing that kind of gets the scraps is me because I don't give myself any kind of break time any. Just like chill Time, I'm just giving what I need to do in the hours that I'm sort of paid to do it.

And then outside of those hours, I'm looking after my kid. And outside of those hours, I'm trying to do these things that do bring me a lot of joy and that I like to create those things.

But I just am at the point where I'm like, where's where? What about the bit where I just, like, I don't know, even watch Helly, like for five minutes? It's just a real constant roller coaster.

So I think I'm just kind of trying to work out at the moment how do I adjust the person that is fundamentally me. Like, I don't know how to change this person. If I have space and time, I feel it. That is always who I've been.

But I need to also recognize that filling that time with a break and time for me is actually just as valuable, if not more valuable, at least if it's, you know, peppered through my week as all of this other stuff. Because ultimately I'm going to get to the point where I burn out and I can't do any of it. And I don't want that to happen.

Stopping this show and taking a little bit of a break to work on some more episodes and then come back and do this again is honestly. Has honestly been a really hard decision for me because I want it to just keep going. And in my mind I'm like, you know what? I'll just do it.

I can stay up late, I can do this. But. But I'm having to kind of have an internal talk to myself and say, just shut up. Nothing is wrong with this.

Stopping for like a month or whatever and then coming back because I do want to keep this show on because I really enjoy doing it. And I've really been blown away by the response and the contact and the stories that people are sharing with me. It's just a really wonderful thing.

And I feel very privileged to be part of this community of incredible women who are doing it or thinking about doing it, and the incredible people that aren't either of those people, but are just coming along for the ride too, you know, So I want to keep showing up and doing that. And also creatively, for me, you know, this is sort of my bread and butter. And I have moved into running networks and things.

And a lot of that, you know, you move further and further away from the actual doing of the content. For the majority of my. More. The first part of my career, everything is about making.

It was about making shows, editing those shows, creating those shows. So this has kind of given me that outlet in the after work hours to do all that kind of stuff and be back on the tools, which I really love.

But ultimately, at a certain point I'm sort of. You start to not enjoy that stuff as much because you're so effing tired.

And I just don't think I actually realized how draining parenting would be and, and that at least at this stage of the parenting journey, because I've got a two year old, it is more than a full time job and it is more draining and more exhausting than work. And it is definitely not just hanging out with somebody for a day.

It is a real mental gymnastics exercise to make sure that that kid is happy and okay and, you know, that we're moving and doing things that we need to be doing and that we're in the routine and that, you know, so I, yeah, I'm.

I'm having a bit of an existential crisis about it, to be honest, because I want to keep doing all of the stuff that I've always done and I don't ever want to feel like I'm not progressing. But I'm also conscious that I've just actually done and achieved the most significant thing I've ever done in my life. And that is have my daughter.

And that it is really the process of parenting her and feeling like she feels safe and looked after and heard and you know, we walked to the car today on the way to daycare and she said to me, mommy's so kind. And I was like, I could cry just thinking about it. I was like, I'm so glad you think that.

I'm so glad you think that because I'm trying really hard to make sure that you feel like that is the mother you have, that I am kind and I'm loving and I care for you and I'm here for you. And I certainly don't feel, interestingly like all of this work on my plate is distracting from my time with her.

I do not feel like I haven't spent enough time with her. I actually feel that my time at work is such an escape for me because I'm working with adults. I'm in an environment where I'm collaborating.

I get a lot of joy out of that. And so that is a very important part of my life. And I could not be here seven days a week, 24 hours a day. I couldn't. It's too hard. It's too hard.

And also, we'd be broke, so I need to go out and earn money. So I don't feel like anything is missing or I'm missing out on any of my time with her.

But I'm conscious that I just am running out of stuff for myself, you know? And that sometimes needs to be as simple as maybe I can do an infrared sauna for 30 minutes, you know?

But I just don't factor that stuff into my week and probably never will.

But I'm just trying to take one thing off my plate for a month, see if it opens up any of that kind of time for me, because most people would say that I'm just a bit weird when it comes to this stuff.

And I think, yeah, it's interesting how you grow up and how that hustle becomes ingrained in you because of what you've witnessed, what you've seen, and you just don't want that for yourself. And I think that is a very hard thing to shake because, yeah, it's just sort of. It never kind of leaves you, you know?

So is the juggle doable as a solo mum? Ava? Yes, it is. But, I mean, you're gonna question your life choices about 700,000 times.

You're gonna put yourself last all the time, until the point where you're just ready for a nervous breakdown. And then you realize, you know what? Something's got to give.

So I think it's so important to have that realization before that point hits, and to realize that you have to do as much as you possibly can to take care of yourself while you are trying to take care of somebody else, because otherwise they're going to end up with nobody because you'll fall to bits. And I just don't want to be a person that falls to bits. But then I don't want to be a person that takes anything off my to do list, do I?

Because I like to have to do lists that keep having things put on them because something is wrong inside. I just. I wish I wasn't like this. It gets so infuriating sometimes. Like, it really is. Like, I just.

I like that I progress and stuff, but sometimes I just wish I could just relax. So, yeah, the juggle is real. But, you know, we get through it the way that we can, which is sometimes poorly.

And then you realize, I really need to just pull my socks up and kind of just get this right, you know? And then you don't get it right. But this is. This is the mind of parenting.

It's just like, you don't seem like you're really getting anything right, but you're just doing your goddamn best. Anyway, as I said, I will be taking a little break with the show. I will drop back in the feed to let you know when the episodes are coming back.

And yeah, I'm really enjoying doing the show and I really appreciate every piece of communication and I really appreciate you turning every week and listening to the show. And I really hope you have been enjoying it and that you've got something out of it, because you've certainly given something to me by being there.

All right, I will speak to you soon.