TV is great...until you have to turn it off

Rachel Corbett: 00:00:02

Hello, welcome to the show.

I am utterly terrified about talking about this because you'll find no other thing in the entire universe that creates more sort of frustration, angst, feelings of judgment, all those kind of things in screen time and that screen time conversation. And I have heard so many people who lean into screen time. And if that's you, great. It's your kid, it's your life, who cares? I could give two hoots.

I have no problem. Problems with people who watch television with their kids and all kind of things. But if you dare to say that you don't do it with your child.

Oh, the judgment that I feel. I'm not judging you. I'm not judging you. You ask the question. And I'm not a liar. I'm sorry.

So my question today is from Cassie, and she said, do you find you're using screens a lot because you don't have someone to help out if you need to get things done? The answer gas, no. And this is not. It's interesting. When I tell friends of mine this, they're like, what the heck? You're like a superwoman.

No, I'm not. I am absolutely not a superwoman. This is not about me being able to do more or avoid the television.

The television is a. I mean, it is a alluring, alluring thing for every child. I can totally understand it.

But My thing about TV is it has nothing to do with the TV as such and everything to do with the five weeks after we've watched the TV that I have to every single day explain for 45 minutes why we're not watching the TV today. That's why we don't watch the TV. If I could sit my child in front of the TV for 30 minutes to get some stuff done and then we could turn it off.

And I didn't hear about the television again until the next time that I needed a break and I put her down in front of it for another 30 minutes and then we moved on with our lives. Well, then I would happily let my child watch the television. But we ain't in that spot. I don't have a child like that.

I don't know if any children are like that. I can't get her to shut up about the television when we've watched the television. So we don't watch the television.

So really, it's just about the delayed gratification of me just doing whatever we need to do now. Because the 30 minutes that I get to myself right now and require then is paid for with about 750 hours of asking about the TV.

And that's as simple as it is. You know, I have absolutely no judgment of anybody who puts their child in front of a television.

I would love to kind of wake up, make her breaking on a Sunday morning, have her sit there, then go, okay, let's get up. But we're not at that point yet. And so I don't know whether it's because we haven't done it much that she then is kind of obsessed with it.

But it is just too hard basket for me to have to do that.

Screen time on the phones for me feels a bit different because there is something reactive about that that sort of gives them a dopamine hit that I'm like, I'm not comfortable. You don't need that level of dopamine right now.

Like at this age, you know, you have plenty of years for this thing to addict you and get you into all manner of feeling bad about yourself. And Lord help us, let's hope that.

I don't know, we've moved on from social media by the time she gets to the point where she's 13 or asking me for these kind of things. But the phone to me, because she can tap it and she can do things and she's getting a kind of rush out of that. No, I'm not mad on that.

I just don't like it. And I don't like the switch that gets flicked when I try to take it off her because she's not a very meltdowny child generally.

But, oh, the meltdown that happens when she has to give the phone back to me and then I get to the point where to last week's conversation around yelling. I absolutely have to yell at her to get the phone off her and I do not want to do that. I can't get it off her any other way. I can't. Sometimes you.

I'd need to literally snatch it off her to get it off and I don't want to do that. So really the non screen time thing is not because I'm like, oh, no, we're sitting down and we're kind of making popsicle stand houses together.

And then I'm giving her lunch with edible flour. Like, no, please. I'm ha. I'm cobbling it together like the best of them. I just can't deal with the getting them off it bit.

Now when she's sick, all this gets thrown out the window because interestingly, she is utterly inconsolable when she's sick until the TV gets turned on and then, I mean, she could have the worst case of gastro you've ever seen. But you bit of Wiggles on there. And we are 100% can get her to sit up and potentially eat something in the high chair. She stops crying.

It's like a magic pill. And when I am in that stage and I can't distract her with something else, well, let's watch TV all day.

And there's been some days when she's been really sick and we have watched TV for pretty much the best part of a day. But that is absolute necessity. Like, there's no other option. And I am not pushing through at that point. Like, what am I going to do?

Sit under a screaming child for 12 hours? No, I'm not. If the TV is going to work, the TV is going to work. But then what's the next seven days bring? TV. TV. We watch the Wiggles.

Can we watch the Wiggles? And I'm like.

And then she gets upset when I say that we can't until we've moved through that phase where she's forgotten, well, not forgotten about the television, but she's realized again, no, that's the boundary that we don't watch the television to the point where she actually picks up the television remote and goes, here you go, Mummy. We don't watch the tv. I'm like, great, we move through that. I've done all that work to get us through. Am I going back to the beginning of that?

No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Not until you're sick again. Then we'll put the Wiggles back on. Then I'll spend seven days telling you why you can't watch the Wiggles.

And then I will not watch the television again until I absolutely need it.

So the other thing I think about the TV and the screens is I wonder whether I actually feel like it's a bit easier if you're by yourself, because it's not like I have to maintain a relationship with anybody in here.

You know, it's not like I'm like, oh, we haven't had a chance to talk all day, so let's just put her in front of the TV so we can have a conversation. What am I going to do? Put on the TV and go stand in the corner? I got a small house, you know, like, she could pretty much see me from every corner.

Am I going to go and shut myself in my bedroom and, like, stare at the walls? So it's. It's sort of a. A matter of circumstances. It Feels a bit weird for me to turn the TV on and then just go into another room.

Like, there's only my bedroom and her bedroom to go into. Like, I'd just be sort of, oh, yeah, this is. I guess I'll just stand here for a bit. So that's kind of my thinking. It's got absolutely no.

Nothing to do with judgment of how other people are doing it. If I see somebody with their kid on a screen, I'm like, I get it, mate. Like, this stuff happens, you know, you gotta.

Sometimes it's the only way you can get your kid into a pram. Sometimes it's the only way you can get them to stop crying.

Sometimes you might just have a kid that needs to be on the screen a lot, otherwise it's meltdown central. You know, every kid is different.

But I do feel sometimes, while people who put their kids on or use screens a lot feel like they're not allowed to admit that, I also think sometimes that there is this feeling that if you don't do that, you're also not allowed to admit that too, because then you're throwing shade and judgment on parents that do do that. I got none of that for you. I got absolutely none of that shade and judgment for you. Absolutely none of it.

But I'm just trying to reduce the meltdowns in my house. And the way to reduce the meltdowns in my house is to reduce the time that I need to say no to the television.

So we are in, let's try and Men In Black wipe your memory mode about the TV by just not having it on. And that's where I'm at. So, Cass. Yeah. I've found as a solo mum, it's actually just easier to not have the TV on.

And I think when you are a TV household and you do get that space, you can't imagine that it could ever be done without it and that this, whoever's doing it must be like doing cartwheels to keep this kid entertained. I just. Yeah, I. I don't actually. Sometimes when my friends talk about the break that they got, I'm like, oh, gosh, that'd be nice.

And I think at a certain point, like, once we've kind of moved through, I don't know what age it'll be, but I'm really looking forward to watching movies with her and sitting down and, like, doing that kind of stuff. So it's not like I'm never going to get to the tv, but I feel like I'm still in those early years where the TV doesn't need to be on.

And so I'm just gonna try and hang on to that. And I'm not finding that terribly difficult, honestly. And maybe it's because I don't watch a heap of TV myself. Yeah, I'm.

I'm sort of pushing through that just because I don't want to. Meltdown. You know, the meltdowns are annoying, and she annoys me when they're happening. I annoy myself because I get frustrated.

That's what we're doing here. So that's my take on it. And please don't get angry at me. If you've got a question, just head to the description of the episode.

You can click the link there.

And if you've got a friend who you feel enjoy the show or get something out of it, maybe they're thinking about doing the baby thing on their own, too, then please send it their way. Always love to bring more people into the community.

And if you like to share your thoughts and always, you can send me an email or leave a rating or review on the show. All right, I'll see you next week.