Christmas hits different when your kid finally gets it

Speaker A: 00:00:02

Hello there. Merry Christmas to you. If you celebrate Christmas for tomorrow, you might notice the slight twinge of nasalness to my voice.

I did actually record this episode yesterday and then I went to edit it and there was no sound. So now you get me sounding like this. But if that is not reflective of the kind of end of year that I'm having, I don't know what is.

I'm not sure if you, like, I are crawling to the end, but if you are, what has been in the water this December, everybody I talk to, we're all barely alive. And I thought, because obviously there is daycare shutdown across the Christmas and New Year period, naturally these people need a holiday.

I totally understand that.

As a solo mom, there is no more terrifying feeling than understanding that you are staring down the barrel of two weeks of raw dogging it, without any doubt, daycare assistance. And so in my mind, I had wanted to get a week of leave before daycare shut, and then some time afterwards, the week before.

It's just slowly, inch by inch, minute by minute, being eaten into. So that didn't happen. And I am hoping to Christ Happy birthday for tomorrow, that it is going to happen on the other side.

Because if I do not get just some clear air, you know, just some time to myself to recalibrate and to realize, no, Rachel, you don't need to blow up your life. You are just really tired. Do you ever get in that space where you think you need to go and literally blow your life up?

I think I've got to quit my job. I think I'm going to do this. I've got to do this. Because of course you've had a child, right? And in my case, you've. I've had a child on my own.

That is the one thing I know was a decision that I wanted to make was the right decision. And even though it's hard, even though it's. I'm like, this is definitely the one thing that I know was the right decision to make.

So then you assume all of the other things around you in your life need changing because you're not in a period where things are really firing on all cylinders because you're trying to juggle being a solo mom in, like, a really difficult toddler period, while also still walking into every meeting and giving 150% and making sure that you can focus on your team and you're this and you're that. And I feel like I was managing it to a point this year, but then the end of the year hit and I am just, I'm battling.

Luckily, I did have a meeting with someone in my team today actually, and they said to me, it's not coming across. And I was like, that is the nicest thing anybody has ever said to me. Oh my word.

So if you have had a interview like that and you're just like barely hanging in there, God, I feel for you. The daycare shuts today and I'm like, oh my God, it's all over and I've just gotta, what am I gonna do? How am I going to fill the days?

Anyway, Christmas cheer. It's so interesting. I thought I would do another Christmas episode this year because I like it as a good marker. Last year Olivia was one.

And what a waste of time Christmas with a one year old is.

I watched a video recently of Christmas morning where I came out and I mean, the jazz hands that I was trying to do to get her to perk up a little bit and be excited when in reality she's like, what is happening? Why are you excited? I don't understand what any of these gifts are that you're putting in front of me.

And so it was just a bit of a letdown, if I'm brutally honest. Whereas this year she's definitely getting it. The Christmas cheer is there. She understands what this is all about.

She doesn't understand that Santa will bring her gifts yet. She understands that Santa is a guy. She's not that jazzed about him, to be honest.

Every time he pops up in our real life, like, you know, if you see the shopping center Santa or Santa pops into the daycare to visit, I mean, she is immediately bawling her eyes out.

So I didn't even book in Santa photos this year because the very first year I did them when she was less than a year, and the photo is me laughing next to Santa while she screams her head off in utter fear. The second year, I booked in with my best mate and her partner and their kid and we were going to all do a family Christmas photo together.

We all stood in line, we got all the way down to Santa's little room where he sits, everybody down. She had a mental breakdown.

I left them to have their photo together in peace and walked off to another area of the shopping center and let her have a minty be.

And this year I thought, I'm just not going to bother because sure, I get it and it's lovely to mark the years with Santa photos and to have those to flick through in future years. But ultimately, if she doesn't Like Santa. I don't need to be forcing her to go and meet with Santa just because I need something for nostalgia.

You know, I don't need a Santa photo if you are going to have a traumatic experience to get that photo. So we've just left that by the wayside. We have had our first Christmas tree this year.

That was an exciting sort of shift because I haven't had a Christmas tree since I lived at home with my family because I just couldn't be bothered with the faf, to be honest. And I'm like, what, am I going to put something up? I got to put down. I can barely keep my the rest of my life admin in check.

So, no, I'm not adding this to the to do list. But this year I was thinking, well, she loves Christmas trees.

Every time we leave daycare, she has to kiss every bauble on the tree that they have erected. And one of the things that I love about our daycare is they love a dress up. We never dress up, but they love a dress up.

A lot of color and movement going around. They love a decoration. So there's a million things in the foyer of the daycare.

But when she's had 19 minutes of sleep at daycare and we are on a tight, tight schedule to get her home and get her in bed early enough that she won't have a colossal meltdown, I really don't support their love of decorations in that moment because they've got 70,000 baubles around about her level on that tree and she has to kiss every single one before we can walk out. And then they've got two gingerbread men and three Santas that sit on a shelf. She has to pull all of those down individually, kiss them, hug them.

It's very adorable, don't get me wrong, but it would be way more adorable if we had all the time in the world, which you never have with the toddler and that's the only thing you need, right, to have nowhere to me.

But she needs to do this ritual when I'm just wondering how am I going to find a wormhole in the space time continuum to manage to get her home, bathed, fed and in bed in 13 and a half minutes. Not going to happen. So she definitely is very enchanted by anything sparkly and Christmassy. So that was exciting to get the tree.

But it's interesting how your dream of things does not match the reality. And I really feel like this is a fun, fundamental lesson in parenting. Don't hope for anything, don't don't let yourself be hopeful.

Don't you make that mistake. You put one foot in front of the other and you live each day as it exists in that moment.

Don't you dare for a second think that in the future there can be a version of you and your child doing something magical. Because chances are it's not going to be that magical when you get there.

And you're just better off to just do it with no expectation and then whatever happens, happens. Because I went and bought the Christmas tree. We went down to the Christmas crazy warehouse and didn't she love that joint?

I'll tell you what, if only that was open all year round, we'd really have somewhere to go to waste some time. So she went around in that joint, was loving it. We bought our tree, we got our baubles, we got them home.

I thought, this is going to be one of those moments to remember. And then I opened the box and it was just another show from that point on.

You know, we pulled the tree out and she was really pissed off that I'd pulled the tree out by myself because she wanted to do it. And please refer back to an earlier episode where I talk about the utter punish of I can do it myself.

Because if you've listened to that episode, you'll know my stance on that is, no, you can't. You can do a version of it shitly, but you can't do what we actually need to do.

So anyway, I open this Christmas tree box, I pull the Christmas tree out, she's effing furious. We have a full blown, like, laying on our front, banging on the floor, meltdown.

At a certain point, I actually laid down next to her and said, I'm not having this. I think I might have said something a bit ruder than that, but I'll just say it was, I'm not having this for the purposes of the podcast.

And I just walked into my room and I left her to have the meltdown because I'm like, I'm sorry, I've just spent an hour and a half in Christmas crazy getting a Christmas tree for you so that you can experience the magic of Christmas and the lights and everything in the privacy of your own home and kiss all of the bubbles you want at all of the time you want. And I have only just put a pair of scissors into the sticky tape on the box and you've already got a problem with it.

So anyway, I have obviously had to come out of my room because, you know, you can't just leave them Sometimes you just like to shut the door when you and just go to the shop, but that's not allowed. So I eventually came out, try to calm her down. She's having absolutely none of it.

So I'm like, okay, listen, you can help mummy to take the tree out of the box. You can definitely carry it, but it's too heavy for you to carry on your own. No, no, no.

She grabs the tree, starts dragging along, scratching the floorboards as she goes to the point where I ended up just having to grab it and put it together. But that was just an utter disaster. So I reckon it took 45 minutes for the calm down and then we had a nice time putting the baubles on.

But by that stage the damage is done.

You know, any remnant of Christmas cheer has left your body and soul and it's not coming back until you get some space and time to yourself to recalibrate. So anyway, I have a nice photo that makes it look like the experience was lovely, but in reality it was just crap.

And now she likes the Christmas tree. I will say, here's just a note for anyone buying Christmas tree lights. Make sure you've got one that has a switch on the actual cord.

Because I didn't really think about that. And when I got home I realized, oh, I've got a tree that the only way you can turn it on is by plugging the plug in.

And of course the thing that she wants to do is turn the Christmas tree on. And so here I have this toddler who the first time she wanted to do it, I actually didn't realize there wasn't a switch on the cord.

And so she said, can I turn the trio? I said, of course. And then I turned around and realized that I have a 2 year old trying to shove a plug into a socket.

I was like, I don't think you should do that. So now we have to hold the plug together and do it at the same time so that she doesn't electrocute herself.

Because truly, if that is what we got out of this Christmas, I'm never having to try again. So, yeah, I mean, ultimately I'm glad I did it, but gee, it really is incredible how different reality is from what you think it's going to be.

I will say that things haven't been all bad. I actually have really enjoyed this Christmas watching her experience it in the way that she's been experiencing it.

Christmas for me has never really been a sad time. I was, you know, the kid of divorced parents, so I really didn't enjoy Christmas because it was going between two places.

It just wasn't a very joyful time. I don't remember being terribly sad about that because it just kind of was what it was.

I definitely wished it was different, but it was more a feeling of, oh, God, I just don't want to do Christmas. Then it was a feeling of, why aren't my Christmases like the people across the road?

I didn't really ever think like that, but when you don't feel like that, you don't really realize what you're missing out on because you're not looking at something and going, I wish I had that. You're like, oh, my version is this. And whatever. It's like, it's not that fab. And then after that, you know, I always just had.

My mum was away and so my dad was around, so I'd often just see him in the morning and then my mum passed away and it would be just, you know, dad and I. And then in the afternoon, I'd usually come home on my own and watch the Netflix.

I actually love that so much, you know, because it's like a quiet day, nobody wants you. So I didn't really think that much about Christmas or the. What I was missing.

But now, seeing the way she enjoys it once we've got the tree up, of course, that is really exciting for me because now I remember, actually, ah, this has just come back to me. That's so crazy. When I was a teenager, so I must have felt something about Christmas because this has just come back to me.

When I was a teenager and I was in that divorce, Christmas Day, I remember thinking to myself and certainly saying out loud to people, I really can't wait to have my own family, because I want to set the tone of Christmas. Like, I want to make Christmas a really good day, so I must have felt something about it. But funny how you block those things out.

So, yeah, it's great now that I get to do that because we get to choose who we spend Christmas with and this year we're spending it at a friend's place. And in previous years, you know, we've had Christmas at my best mate's place.

And I love the fact that I can just decide, well, either it's you and I or if we've got somewhere really nice to go, we'll go and we'll go and hang out with some mates.

I don't have to be in a situation where I'm going to somebody's family's house that I don't Like, I've always been lucky enough to kind of get along with my ex's parents, but I do have some friends who are just like, there is nothing better than meeting someone. And you're like, oh, I like you. And, oh, thank God. God, I like your family, too. That is just the best.

Because then you get, like, an additional family, and that is ace.

But if you are one of those people who do not like your partner's family and you got to spend Christmas with them, well, my heart and my everything goes out to you. Because if that. If that so massively, I just would not be able to deal.

And I'm not one of those people who's like, let's just go and have a shit day so we can be there. I'm the type of person that's like, no, no, no. If this is not joyful, like, let's just not go. But I know a lot of families don't work like that.

And I've always, you know, had the kind of family where everybody did their own thing and so there wasn't any of that sense of obligation. But in my life, I'm like, well, it's just you and me, babe. We can go and. Do you want to go hang down by the pool all day? Yeah, let's do it.

That's our Christmas. So it's really exciting for me to kind of be able to build Christmas with her and to shape it in our own way, and that's really exciting.

So I hope you have a great Christmas planned. Hope you're getting some time off. It's always a nice period of reflection.

I find this time of year just to kind of really take stock of things and recharge before it all ramps up again in January and we forget we ever had any time off. And next week, for my New Year's Eve episode, I'm going to actually do a bit of a roundup of all of my most valuable products of this year.

The things that I have absolutely loved and can't live without, in case you were sort of looking for things across a bunch of different kind of categories, but just things that I'm like, oh, if those things broke, I would definitely be devastated and would buy them again.

Because I think sometimes it's just helpful to have some recommendations for things, because God knows you can waste a lot of crappy money on this stuff. And it's just a waste of everyone's time, and nobody needs to be wasting more money at this time of year, let's be honest.

Although one of the great benefits, I got to say, of having a small family. I've always.

I've very rarely had a lot of people to buy for, and I see some of those people who are, like, buying for 19 different cousins and nephews and nieces, and I'm just like, I mean, how do you do it? How do you do it? Have a great day tomorrow, and I will see you next week for my New Year's episode.